Glass
by MillaMayhem
Summary: For 15 years Alex has been yearning for a part of her.  Now because of a horrible situation she's given a second chance.  Will it work out for the best or will 15 years of yearning turn into a lifetime?
1. My girl

**I don't own law and order SVU or any of its characters or concepts.**

**...**

_Ten tiny fingers, ten tiny toes._

_A gorgeous smile I could only hope she got from me and a darling button nose._

_She was perfect..._

_Her soft alabaster skin so akin to my own as with her large cerulean eyes and wispy blonde hair._

_I cried._

_She was so beautiful gurgling in my arms, staring up at me with such wide eyed curiosity I just knew she'd be smart._

_The moments passed so quickly and before I knew it she was being taken from my arms._

"_Please no." I pleaded with them._

_It fell upon deaf ears._

"_I've changed my mind!" I screamed._

_One of the younger nurses came to comfort me, letting me cry on her shoulder as they took her away._

_I could hear people rushing around my room accompanied by voices I didn't recognise...but then a woman's._

_That same eccentric voice I'd heard so many times._

_I tore my head away from the nurses' shoulder to see her holding my baby._

_My beautiful girl._

_I went to scream that I wanted her back but the words wouldn't form on my tongue._

_My mouth wide open ready to scream out let out nothing but a whispered cry._

_All I could do was stare wide eyed as she took away my daughter..._

**...**

I awoke in a cold sweat.

This was not the first time I'd relived the moment.

I glanced still shaking at my clock.

Not even 3am.

Without thinking I reached for my phone and dialled a familiar number.

It only rung twice.

"Benson." The soft voice I'd come to love groaned.

"Liv' it's me."

I could hear the covers rustling as she sat up.

"Alex. What's wrong?"

"I had another dream."

A moment of complete silence passed before I heard her keys jingling.

"I'll be there in 10."

**...**

Only 5 people knew about that day.

My parents firstly.

They were the ones that forced me to give her up saying that if I didn't want to marry her father then I didn't deserve to have her.

I didn't know what else to do.

They held my whole life in their hands.

Secondly is Sebastian.

He was the boy I thought I loved.

I gave him my virginity only to have him cheat on me the next day.

The minute he found out I was pregnant he handed me the abortion money and never spoke to me again.

I slipped the money back into his mailbox.

Then there's the woman that my parents chose to adopt my little girl.

I don't even remember her name.

I'm not even sure I knew it.

All I remember was that she was a rather eccentric artist type that my mother certainly disapproved of.

Lastly there's Olivia.

I couldn't hide something like that from her.

Not ever.

I love Olivia with all my heart.

This was yet another thing my mother disapproved of.

She couldn't believe that to people of the same sex could feel the same thing as people from the opposite sex.

None the less Olivia stood by me through my mother's ridicule.

I was glad to say I was happy.

I did often yearn for the little girl I'd birthed 15 years ago but I'd long ago given up hope of seeing her.

**...**

As I heard Olivia's key clicking quietly in my door I shifted in my bed to make room for her.

Sure enough within seconds she was inside my room shedding her jacket and jeans so that she was left in her tank and boy legs.

I felt the heat radiate from her skin as she crawled under the covers and pulled me against her chest.

"Are you okay?" She whispered.

"I guess."

For a few moments she only layed soft kisses on my bare back before looking back up to me.

"Did you ever think of finding her?"

"Of course. But I'm not allowed to try until she's eighteen. She's only just turned 15."

Olivia sighed before turning me over to face her and capturing my lips in a soft kiss.

"I love you."

"I love you too." I said leaning in for another kiss.


	2. Unexpected events

**I don't own law and order SVU or any of its characters or concepts.**

**...**

_2 months later..._

"I'm going to work now baby!" I shouted from the door as Olivia groaned and no doubt rolled over in bed.

I shut the door firmly behind me before heading to the elevator.

Strangely it stopped 1 floor below mine.

It never usually did such things especially at this time.

When the doors dinged open in stepped a girl no more than 16 wearing a heavy fur trimmed grey coat with some dark blue jeans and converses.

She was without a doubt prepared for the cold weather that I knew lay outside.

As she hurried inside a few notebooks fell out of her shoulder bag.

I carefully kneeled down to help her pick them up all the while trying to make sure I'd be able to get back up in my heels.

When I'd stacked them all neatly she smiled at me as I handed them to her before helping me up.

"Do you live on the floor above me?" She asked as I dusted off my skirt.

"Yeah. Do you live here?"

"Yeah just moved in with my grandmother. I'm going to TAFE here." She smiled.

For the few minutes it took us to get to the bottom we talked about her hairdressing course and such until the elevator stopped.

We walked outside into the blistering cold together and said our goodbyes as she went the opposite way.

I flagged down the first cab I saw and headed straight to the courthouse.

**...**

I angrily tossed my leather briefcase on the floor of my office as I slammed the door.

Judge Petrovsky had dismissed all my evidence in the Fitzgerald trial and now we had nothing.

I slumped down in my chair and kneaded my temples furiously with my thumbs.

Only a few moments later someone knocked on my door.

"What!" I snapped.

"Alex?" A smooth and familiar voice questioned.

"Dean?" I asked curiously as my office door slowly opened.

It was Dean.

He smiled at me as I motioned him in.

My smile then deteriorated when I saw Trevor trailing behind him.

"What do you want?" I said my patience already wearing thin.

Dean Porter knew very well my beef with Trevor Langan yet willingly brought him in.

"If this is about a case I'm not in much mood to discuss it."

"I'm sorry Alex but I'm afraid it can't wait." Dean said as he sat down across from me.

Sighing I motioned for Trevor to take the other seat.

For a few moments they sat awkwardly fidgeting with their ties.

"Your name came up in a case Alex." Dean said suddenly.

"A rape trial?" I questioned growing curious.

He cleared his throat nervously.

"No one of ours. Drug circuit. Cocaine to be exact..."

"You've got to be joking me." I scoffed.

"Just listen Alex..."

I sighed irritably.

He was wasting my time.

"A woman was murdered. Trevor was her lawyer and you were in this woman's will. She left you a child Alex."

I went to say something but Dean cut me off again.

"When we saw your name in a drug mules will we naturally had to investigate. The girl is yours Alex. 15 years ago she was given away through a private adoption. Your name was on the birth certificate."

I fumbled for the right words as my mind raced.

"Is she okay?" I choked.

"She's fine Alex." Dean reassured me as he placed a hand on top of mine.

I could feel hot tears coming to my eyes.

I couldn't believe this.

Trevor cleared his throat gaining my attention.

"Miss Andreason's will indicate that if you were willing to take Madeleine that she'd like you to take her."

"Madeleine?" I whispered.

"That's her name Alex. She's beautiful." Dean whispered.

"She has been since the moment she was born." I thought out loud.

"So since there's no one else from Miss Andreason's family that can and/or want to take her we're obligated to ask if you'd like another chance." Trevor continued.

He looked more sympathetic than I'd ever seen him.

"Who knows?"

"No one. Only Trevor and myself."

"What about Madeleine?" Her name rolled off my tongue easier than I'd imagined it would.

I'd never really imagined her with a name but somehow I thought even though I hadn't seen her since birth that it would suit her.

"Says Erika told her that she was adopted when she was 12"

I pulled my hand from Dean's grasp and ran it through my hair.

"Does she want to meet me?" I ask a slight hint of desperation in my voice.

"Yes. She does. If you'd like you can meet her on Saturday and decide whether or not you'd like to take her."

'Of course I'll take her!' My mind screamed.

But what if she didn't want to live with me?

I don't think I could handle seeing her and then not taking her home.

But...

I was getting another chance at this.

I could have my baby girl back.

"Set it up."


	3. Naughty

**I don't own law and order SVU or any of its characters or concepts.**

**...**

As Trevor and Dean left my office I shut the door behind them before taking a few deep breaths.

This whole situation seemed unbelievable.

After 15 years I'd get to see my daughter again.

But then I thought about what Dean said.

I'd given my baby to a drug mule.

What had Madeleine seen?

All these horrible pictures floated through my mind.

"You can NOT think those things." I muttered to myself.

I walked back to my chair and huffed down into it.

I couldn't believe this was real.

I picked up my phone to call Olivia but the minute I did she was walking through my door with a nice hot chai.

"You're a lifesaver baby." I muttered as I gave her a soft kiss.

She sat lazily on the edge of my desk sitting her coffee before frowning at me worriedly.

"What's wrong?"

I sighed.

"My name came up in a case." I said as she looked at me oddly.

"A case involving my daughter." I whispered.

I then proceeded to explain everything Dean had told me as she listened intently.

"Her name is Madeleine. I'm going to meet her on Saturday. If she'd like to I'd like another chance. I think she should come live with us."

I looked hopefully at Olivia who leaned down to me smiling and kissed my lips tenderly.

"I think that's a wonderful idea." She whispered.

It was then that she slid sideways on my desk knocking off all my papers.

When I went to pick them up she pushed my shoulders back and leaned in for another kiss.

"A...very...wonderful...idea." She husked through kisses as she slid off my desk and onto my lap straddling me as I moved my hands up and down her hips.

As she kissed my neck and moved her fingers to fumble with my buttons my breath caught.

"Don't you have to go back to work detective?" I managed to whisper in her ear as her hands traced over my breasts.

"I got off early to come see you." She whispered into my abdomen as she lowered herself under my desk.

"Okay." I gasped as I felt her fingers fumbling with my skirt.

**...**

1 and a half extremely pleasant hours later Olivia and I left my office with my shirt unevenly tucked in and my blonde hair dishevelled to the point where its natural curls that I tried so hard to hide had appeared at its ends again.

As Olivia closed my door she slapped my butt and I jumped earning a dirty look from a passing prosecutor.

I felt the hot blush creep onto my cheeks as Olivia laughed a little behind me.

"You love it." She husked against my neck making her hot breath send shivers down my body.

My eyes darted around the corridor making sure no one was around before I leaned in for a quick kiss.

With that I smiled sheepily and left her standing in the corridor alone.

**...**

"Liz'?" I questioned as I poked my head through her door.

She had her head buried in paperwork but looked up as I closed her door.

"I was wondering if I could have some time off."

"How much?"

"A week. Maybe more depending on how things go."

At this she looks up curiously.

"Everything okay Alex?"

"Yeah just some personal things coming up."

She nodded slightly before writing me a slip of paper.

"You have your week, more if you need it."

"Thanks Liz'." I smiled.

She didn't reply only continued her paperwork.

**...**

As I handed my slip into the woman at the front desk I glanced over to the cold and dismal outside.

I was NOT going to enjoy walking home.

As I walked into the biting cold of Manhattan I pulled my jacket tighter around my body.

This however did not help my poor legs that continued to shiver.

At least it was only a short walk to a cab rank.


	4. Scared

**I don't own law and order SVU or any of its characters or concepts.**

**...**

_Saturday..._

I awoke 2 hours before my alarm went off.

It was only 6.

I wasn't supposed to be at the Beuro till 10.

I rolled over to face Olivia and began playing with her shoulder length chestnut hair.

She blinked her eyes a few times before smiling at me.

"Excited much Cabot?"

I smiled my goofy grin at her.

She leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on my lips.

"Mmm...You taste so sweet in the morning." She breathed.

"Yes morning breath a' la' Alex." I giggled stealing another kiss.

"You taste sweet to me always babe." She whispered into my hair as she snuggled closer.

I wrapped my arms around her as I tenderly traced my fingertips up and down her spine.

"Thank you."

"For what?" She asked looking up.

"For letting me do this."

She kissed the crown of my head softly before snuggling back into my chest.

"She's your daughter Alex. I would never stop you."

"I love you Liv'." I whispered.

All she did was mumble vaguely before she was once again asleep in my arms.

**...**

It was 9:45 when I got to the Beuro.

I sat with one leg crossed over the other tapping my foot and drinking my chai for the better half of 15 minutes.

When I was called in Dean met me outside the room where I would meet Madeleine.

I was so nervous that I was constantly patting down my faded light blue jeans.

I was wearing them with a pair of my favourite small heeled boots and a simple white shirt that if you looked hard enough you could see a hickey from Olivia just above where my bra sat.

I carried my red wool coat in my shaky arm and my cell phone in the other.

"Are you ready?" Dean asked softly with his hand on the door.

I nodded.

I was as ready as I could be.

Dean opened the door for me and I stepped into the room.

It was decorated with a horrible cream carpet and baby blue wallpaper.

There was a table with 4 chairs, a couch and some toy boxes for younger children.

At the other end of the room on the opposite side there was also another door.

In less than a few seconds my daughter was going to walk through that door and I didn't know if I'd cry, smile or throw up.

Instead I stood tall and took a deep breath.

"Alex I'd like you to meet Miss Madeleine Rose Andreason."

Then it happened.

The door was opened.

In stepped Trevor and a girl.

She was about a head shorter than Olivia.

She wore pink converses with light blue skinnies, and a tight fitting black T-shirt with 'City Of Dreams' printed on the breast in white.

Her rainbow, fingerless gloves went up to her elbows stood out so brightly in the dim room.

Then she looked up and my breath hitched in my throat.

Her slender fingers reached up flicking back a stray strand of blonde fringe that had splayed across her face.

She looked like me.

She had just longer than her shoulders blonde hair that had loose curls at the bottom exactly the same shade as mine.

Her large sunglasses sat steadily atop her layered fringe that flowed down almost but not quite over her large cerulean eyes.

Her soft alabaster skin sported a few perfectly placed light brown freckles across her nose and the tops of her perfect cheeks.

I didn't realise I was still holding my breath until she smiled at me.

...

I walked in with my head to the ground.

I was nervous.

I'd known since I was 12 that I was adopted.

I was afraid to look up in case she saw my face and thought I was ugly and wouldn't want me.

I could feel her staring at me, looking through me like she knew me.

She did.

She ran through my veins.

Half my heart was hers and half mine.

She was the part of me I'd yearned for in all those dismal years with Erika.

That one person I thought could love me like I'd never been loved before.

Swallowing my fear I looked up.

My breath hitched in my throat.

She was like my identical.

An older version of myself.

She was beautiful.

More beautiful than I'd ever imagined.

We had the same eyes, same skin, same hair and the same feeling of nervousness.

I could sense it in her.

I could see her hands shaking slightly as I'm sure my own were.

She looked so perfect.

Like an angel sent down just for me.

My mother.

My one true mother.

It was then that I smiled at her.

"I'm Madeleine." I smiled still slightly nervous.

...

I heard both doors close as Dean and Trevor left but I paid no heed to them.

The smile was already plastering its way across my lips.

"Alex." I smiled gently.

I wasn't sure what would happen next.

Do I dare step closer?

She decided that for me.

She stepped closer towards the table presumably to sit down.

I walked over shakily and placed my bag on the floor and my jacket on the back of the chair.

So many thoughts ran through my mind.

So many in fact that I was stupid enough to speak one out loud.

"You're so beautiful. Just like the day you were born." I said in a whisper.

She must have heard me because she blushed a light tinge of pink.

"Sorry." I said awkwardly.

"No... I...It's okay." She whispered.

I smiled again as we both sat down.

I was scared.

More so than I had ever been.


	5. Wanting

**I don't own law and order SVU or any of its characters or concepts.**

**...**

For moments it was like being suspended in space.

I felt weightless, ageless, so overwhelmed with what to feel that instead I felt nothing at all.

I felt like we'd never been apart.

Like I'd never made the mistake I did.

Then it all came flooding back into me.

The pain, guilt, loneliness and longing surged through my veins.

I felt light headed.

"I'm sorry." She said suddenly.

My eyebrows furrowed at her questionably.

"I'm not what you expected am I?" She asked quietly lowering her head.

Without thinking I reached over the table and pulled up her chin with my fingers.

"You're better." I smiled.

Realising what I was doing I quickly snapped my hand back.

For a first meeting I thought it definitely too intimate a gesture.

"It's okay Alex."

My name sounded so..._odd_ coming off her tongue but it was also sweet and comforting.

"Is that chai?"

For a moment I am puzzled forgetting that I even had it.

"Yeah. My favourite." I say with a little laugh.

"Mine too." She smiles back.

"I don't think I've gone a day of work without at least one of these." I smiled.

"Where do you work?" She asked innocently.

"I'm a lawyer." I say not wanting to get into the details now.

"Cool. A good one or a bad one?"

"I think I'm pretty good."

We both laugh.

Her smile is radiating.

"I meant like which side are you on."

"Oh. I'm for the people. I prosecute the ones who've done wrong...most of the time. So I guess I'm the good side."

"Thought so." She smirks.

"What about you? What's school like?"

"Okay. Okay. I go to an all girl's school."

"Do you like it?"

"Yeah. I guess. I have a few great friends but Ebony is my best friend. We grew up together."

I envied this girl already.

She'd grown up with my precious angel and I hadn't.

At least she was happy.

"What kind of things do you do when you're not in school?" I ask as I bring one knee up to my chest and lean on it.

"Drums. I play drums. Ebony plays bass. I used to play with chips allot. He was Erika's dog but he got hit by a car. " Madeleine states casually.

"Cool maybe you could teach me to play some time."

I bite my lip.

"That is if you'd like?" I say a little desperate.

"That'd be cool." She smiles.

It's then my phone beeps.

"Sorry."

She only nods and stares intently.

**...**

I watch silently as she pulls out her phone.

She's trying so hard to win me over but she doesn't need to.

I already think she's perfect.

I would've given anything to grow up with her.

I see a smile grace her pretty pink lips as she reads the message.

"They must be special." I say.

She looks up confused.

"You were glowing." I giggle.

"Oh...Yeah. They are." She smiles.

"Boyfriend? Husband?" I ask curiously.

It could be my father.

She shakes her head and looks awkward for a moment.

"Girlfriend."

I nod slightly.

She's different.

Grew up wealthy but wasn't the perfect daughter, fights for the good side but religiously is in the bad.

I see she's waiting worriedly for my next move.

I smile.

"That's really cool."

It is.

I can tell this woman makes her happy.

"You could meet her one day if you'd like." She says casually as she texts.

"I'd really like that."

**...**

I couldn't put it off any longer.

I'd checked the time when I was texting Liv' and I only had another 10 minutes with Madeleine.

"Madeleine..."

"Maddy." She smiled.

"Maddy... When Erika died she left a will. In that will she expressed what she'd like to happen to you. Now you're old enough now to make your own decisions so nobody is going to push you but she said that if anything were to happen to her that she'd like you to come and live with me but..."

"Live. With you?"

"Yes but that doesn't mean you have to. I completely understand if you don't want to."

I was biting my lip nervously.

"Do you want me to stay with you?" She asks curiously.

Yes.

"It doesn't matter what I want Madeleine. I just want you to be happy."

"Do you want me to stay?" She repeats.

My mind is screaming yes.

Yes come live with me and I'll love you like I should've in the start.

"Yes..." Is all that comes out.

"Really?" She whispers disbelievingly.

"Really." I smile.

The largest smile appears on her face as Dean walks into the room.

As I stand up to get my coat and bag she comes towards me hesitantly.

I lean down a bit and push some hair from her forehead.

"Are you sure this is what you want?"

She wraps her arms around me.

At first I'm shocked but then I realise how eager I am to do it myself.

I wrap my arms around her tightly.

"It's all I've ever wanted." She whispers.

I squeeze her tighter as a small tear falls down my cheek.

"Me too. Me too." I whisper.


	6. Perfect promises

"Liv'?" I call as I shut the wooden door behind me.

I slip off my shoes and leave them at the door before proceeding to the living room. I look around and call her name again but she doesn't answer. It's then that I realise a note on the countertop.

_Babe, Hope all went well. Will be late home tonight, don't wait up. Love, Liv'._

I smile before crumpling the note and placing it in the trash. Suddenly a strange sensation washes over me. I'm happier than I've been in a long time. I find myself spinning around the kitchen almost squealing. I stop spinning and wander into the bedroom so that I may begin taking off my clothes. I strip down to my black bra and underwear before I decide to stop. I think I'll wait up for Liv'...

...

I begin to unpack the few things I brought with me to Jade house. Meeting my blood mother was strange. I'd never imagined finding her so soon. I never imagined wanting to be her daughter so much, and I definitely never imagined her wanting me. It had been decided, In a week I'd pack my things and go to live with her. I was nervous. What if I wasn't what she wanted? What if she sent me back? She seemed smart, beautiful and kind. Everything I'd ever wanted in a mother. Erika was...Erika wasn't the motherly type. Sure when I was a child she was eccentric and fun and a brilliant mother but as I got older she kind of shut off. She stopped being around and when she was she slept. I knew it was the drugs. She was taking as much as she was dealing. I told myself I'd never be like that. Guess we don't always do what we're told...

...

I listened to the door opening quietly and Olivia's pattering steps through to the bedroom. She came into our room and I watched her shadowed form move around the room until she slid into bed beside me. I moved myself to hold her and her breath in took sharply for a moment before relaxing into me.

"You're awake. I told you not to wait up." She whispered.

"I was too excited to sleep." I reply as I lay a kiss upon the back of her neck.

"I trust all went well." She says as she rolls over to face me.

"Yes. She's coming to live with us next week." I say as a smile curls its way onto my lips.

I can see her smile as well and so I kiss her. Her hands wander to my hips before she stops almost abruptly.

"You're only wearing your underwear." She states with the slightest of an almost moan on her lips.

I don't say anything; only kiss her tenderly as she moans into her mouth. I feel her hands moving smoothly towards my back as she undoes my bra. Next she's massaging me softly eliciting my own moan. She touches me softly as I do the same. Her bare olive skin eliciting warmth onto my own.

I've never felt so perfect...


End file.
